DeMarCaTionVille

Last week, I thought to myself: ‘Hmm, I should get back to blogging.’
I decided to wait until the kids and I had finished baking Christmas goodies. One thing led to another. By the time I’d scraped the sugar goo off the kitchen ceiling and opened the windows for ventilation, which was necessary after the mixer [...]

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Before bedtime, Ms. Diva picked her toys up and straightened her room. Mr. Smartypants put away his laundry and vacuumed the floor. Ms. Diva announced her room was cleanest. Mr. Smartypants disagreed, claiming his room was perfect.
Ms. Diva declared I loved her the best. Mr. Smartypants argued that this was [...]

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Lesson of the Day:
Conversations, which start out with “So, I read your blog,” can never amount to anything good.
When I posted about Obama converts in Iowa a few weeks ago, it was to offer insight into my relationship with my Dad. The possibility of my political conversion was hinted at in jest. Only [...]

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Travel Expenses for Driving around Trying to Find 12 Poor Suckers to Buy a Bucket of Frozen Cookie Dough = $25.
Leaving Office to Pick Up Frozen Cookie Dough =  $29
Communication Expenses Associated with Calling/Texting Buyers to Notify Cookie Dough has Arrived = $25
Travel Expenses Spent Delivering Frozen Cookie Dough = $40 (due to increase [...]

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I don’t know how it happened – perhaps it can be explained by the rain or the drought, perhaps by magic or maybe even a secret government shrink-ray: but I do know for a fact that Neyland Stadium shrank.
I am not talking about the size of the stadium – but actual seat space. It [...]

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Mr. Smartypants: “Mom, you’re such a pimp.”
Me: “A Pimp? Do you know what a pimp is?”
Mr. Smartypants: “Yep.”
Me: “What is it?”
Mr. Smartypants: “A cool person who wears a crazy hat.”
Me: “No. A pimp is someone who sells other people.”
Mr. Smartypants: “Sells `em for what?”
Me: “Uh….. well, er…. you know, a pimp sells the labor [...]

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Ms. Diva bounced into the office yesterday and said:
“Guess what! When I grow up I’m going to have real fancy shoes and wear lipsticks and dresses so’s I can kiss a prince! Then, I will marry him and cook ice cream every day!”
Yep, I’d say antithesis… well, except for that ice cream bit.

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What do (3) little girls + (1) super macho boy + (1) crush + (1) fence to hop + (1) rusty nail equal? Answer: (7) stitches.
While playing super hero to impress the cuties, Mr. Smartypants sliced his foot. After cleaning the wound, there was no [...]

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Yesterday, I had an appointment to see Dr. Frankenstein, the orthopedist who has gradually rebuilt my right knee. The knee has been achy since I subbed for a dance instructor friend last week.
See, I danced for many years. (Not that kind of dancing, you perverts.) I was trained in classical ballet.  [...]

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“Mommy says you can’t kiss a man on his boo-jeans,” Diva informed the pastor. “It is bad eddy-quit and you can’t get invited to tea parties.”
“I see,” said the pastor.
`Holy Crap,’ thought me, the mortified mommy.
“It’s kinda like having weird boys sniffing your arm-pits,” Diva went on to explain.
“It is?” asked the pastor.
`Oh God [...]

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