DeMarCaTionVille

I hate manipulation of any type. I’m tired of it. Americans are constantly being manipulated by news media, politicians, special interest groups, ad companies, spouses, children, extended family – heck, even my dog manipulates me. I certainly don’t want to add to the daily assault.

This is why normally I would tell you – in a very forthright, non-manipulative way – Joe Powell has posted his interview with Rob Russell, Democratic Candidate for the 1st Congressional District. You should go read it.

The problem is, however, I know most of you. I lost 73% of the readers from East Tennessee at the word “Democratic,” didn’t I? Nevertheless, I think it’s important that you have this information. So – what other choice do I have but to try and manipulate you into clicking the link. (As long as I’m up-front about what I am doing, then it’s not as reprehensible as when the other guys do it, right?)

Unfortunately, I’m no master at manipulation. So, I had to conduct a bit of research into how it’s done before I could get started. This means I visited some Republican websites, Democratic Websites, Toys R Us, and Bill Hobbs. Now, I’m ready to give it a try:

Please start the music. No really, you must. It’s not the same without the background music.

[audio http://uncommonlife.googlepages.com/America_Rcharles.mp3]

My fellow voters, readers of this blog, friends of the internet and family: I am not going to use flowery, possibly plagiarized rhetoric to appeal to you or point out that you’re being duped. I am not going to mention that the incumbent, David Davis, might be wrong for Congress because he is beholden to big money donors or that his opponent Phil Roe has based in his entire campaign not on the issues – but the fact that he’s not David Davis and how “David Davis looks weird and smells slightly of bologna”. (Phil didn’t say that, but he is running an attack campaign. And I needed to make a bold, derogatory reference to the other guys while claiming I would make no derogatory references about the other guys, so I exaggerated, which seems to be acceptable when engaging in manipulation.)

I have too much respect for you to resort to those tactics. I know this is not what the voters in the district want. You want something better. You deserve something better. (Indicate willingness to give the American people what they want – unlike the other guys – even if you really don’t know what they want.)

See, I realize (as if to imply the other guys don’t) – we’re all in this together. Regardless of what side of the fence we’re on, we’re all hard-working, decent Americans, who share many of the same concerns and simply want to elect people who will represent us, our district, our people. (Establish sense of unity and cooperation.)

We want officials who will work toward economic stability. We’re tired of worrying about our jobs being shipped overseas. We’re tired of low wages, living from paycheck to paycheck and being without access to affordable health care. We’re tired of the needs of corporate interests being served before our own. We’re worried about the cost of the food and energy, things we so desperately need in order to provide for our families. (Instantly tapping into fears is common manipulation technique. Here, I’ve targeted worries about economy, job security, and general fear of deprivation – which are somewhat universal, but depending upon the audience, the text can be altered to create hysteria or sense of urgency about Muslims, Mormans, terrorist garb, fist bumps, global warming, immigrants taking over the southwest, patriarchy, black people with a chip on their shoulder, girls who run for President, the dangerous influence of old hippies, religion as a dominant power, war – and a general summary of the current administration’s exploits can be offered in order to exacerbate the country’s BDS.)

And we’re worried about the future of our children and what problems they will face – what kind of world we’re leaving for them. (Invoking the parental concern/responsibility has always been used as a technique for manipulation – but became the standard in 1996 after it was proven beyond the shadow of a doubt most parents were outrageously susceptible to such things.)

This is why it pains me to see you being manipulated by the media, tricked by the system and treated as though you cannot make your own decisions. We all know being a Democrat in this neck of the woods is like wearing as cloak of invisibility as far as the media is concerned – but sometimes lack of information is a form of manipulation too. And it is unfair to you as voters, as readers, and as viewers.

So, I’m not asking you to go read Joe’s blog just because you may be able to increase your earning potential by 52%, minimize the appearance of line and wrinkles, boost antioxidants and become aware of money-saving opportunities. I’m not asking you to read it just because some studies (notice I didn’t cite the source) have proven reading Joe’s blog can add five years to your life, may produce pheromones which make you more attractive to the opposite sex and can even increase the size of your breasts (or other body part which causes you to feel less confident) without surgical procedures.

No, there’s something bigger at stake here: your chance to be informed, involved and active in government. See, I believe you know what’s best for you and your family. I am confident that, if you are given the information you need, YOU will make the right decision, a good decision, the one that is right for you. I trust in you. (Flattery) So, I’ve decided it’s time to take a stand and I’d like you to join me. (Bestows power while at the same time Implying it’s patriotic duty to follow and do as instructed in order to avoid domination by others. )

I am not suggesting that you vote for Rob Russell. You can determine which candidate you support without my input or influence – but you should be aware of all the options, the candidates and the positions before you make this decision. Yeah, this means checking out Mahmood (Michael) Sabri, Joel Goodman and James Reeves too.

Then – if the Republicans continue their 130 year tradition of kickin’ donkey butt: at least we can all say it has been a fair and balanced fight. Seriously, we don’t want people running around thinking Republicans won just because the election was influenced by the press, do we? We want to win based on our viewpoints and ideas – if we can… right? (Equivalent of “Whatsa matter? Are you Chicken? Bock, bock.)

Also (for conspiracy buffs and loons) if you don’t follow the link, you’ll miss the part at the end where they reveal the nefarious, radical plot hatched by hippies in 1968 and financed by the Bilderberg Group to plant Democrats within the Republican party, where they would be better poised to take over the government, then the nation: a plan which is now coming to fruition. Or maybe that was some other blog. I can’t be sure. You could go check though.

And finally, if you love me…
If you’ve ever loved me…
If you like me just a little bit…
If you are smart, kind, wonderful, and decent…
If you are one of us and not one of them…
If you never steal candy from babies or mistreat poor defenseless puppies, you will go read this post.

And honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t been reading Joe already. I mean everybody is… well, all the cool, smart and pretty people anyway. I hear he hangs out with actors and rock stars. Plus this girl from Canada probably reads Joe and she’s on TV–>.

The End.

How did I do?

Tags: 1st Congressional District, campaign season, David Davis, Democrats, media, Phil Roe, Republicans, Rob Russell, the Art of Manipulation