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Dear Traditional Summer BBQs Attendees:

As ya’ll know, when the weather warms up, my family and I start hosting a round of summer BBQ’s. These events include the 4th of July meet-up and the mid-July “Big Ass Pig Roast Down on the River for Moonbats and Wingnuts Alike.” While we do intend to continue hosting these events, there are a few changes we’d like to announce…

Whereas we find these events to be a great way to spend quality time with friends, family, acquaintances, and people whom we don’t really know but met in the bun lane at Food City and encouraged to come on over,

Whereas recent reports have predicted that the cost of a BBQ will double this year, and

Whereas we believe the availability of alcoholic beverages plays a significant role in promoting tolerance, encouraging a sense of bipartisan kinship and helping create the illusion of harmony among the Bats and Nuts in attendance at many of these events;

we have decided to make cutbacks on the menu. So, in lieu of the traditional fare, this year we will be serving generic peanut butter and crackers (with the exception of the July 4th, when in celebration of Independence Day, we may pull out all the stops and celebrate with meat byproducts. )

Of course, since the Hubby has always been overly fond of Dale Sauce and the food sucked anyway, I am hoping most of you won’t mind the changes.

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