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Love Note to Local Lawyer

Dearest Bill Phillips:

When the BMA was discussing traffic cams last night and you said:

“I personally think it’s unconstitutional, and most lawyers I know think it is too. I think eventually it’s going to work its way up into the federal system, it’s going to be declared unconstitutional, and when that happens there’s going to be a class-action lawsuit against every city that has put those things in effect.

“You never know. It could go the other way.”

Phillips said he believes the cameras violate a citizen’s rights in several ways including their Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination; convicting a person of a misdemeanor outside the presence of a police officer; allowing a private company to issue fines; and violating a citizen’s 14th Amendment right to confront their accuser.

I decided that I loved you just a little bit, at least more than I did previously. But I’d like to think those feelings will pass with time.  — A

After a few months of silence, Uncle C called last night.  He didn’t inquire about anyone’s health, grades, jobs or general well-being.   He did encourage me to keep my children home from school on the “National Day of Indoctrination.”

National Day of Indoctri… what?

I knew Obama’s speech to students, which is scheduled for tomorrow, had knotted up the stretch-cotton bloomers of some conservatives.  I didn’t realize they had given it a name or declared the whole day a wash.

Yep, according to Uncle C, all good Christian Americans will reject Obama’s attempt to indoctrinate America’s youth to socialist ideas  (you know, ideas such as education is important, stay in school, be responsible, work hard and other pervasively evil, similarly socialist shit like that)  by declaring Tuesday “National Keep Your Child Home from School Day.”

In Hawkins County, this will be followed by “Steve, the Republican Attendance Supervisor, Hauls Your Sorry Ass To Truancy Court Day.” Continue Reading »

When I read the headline this morning:

Siblings, 9 and 7, make 100 calls to Hawkins County 911 in less than eight hours

I thought to myself , oh, “I would so ground those kids for life!,” How can they play on the phone without the parents noticing?” and “Hmph, my kids would never do anything like that because I supervise them.”

Smell that.  It’s my air of superiority.

Then… four paragraphs down – after the parents are named and the local police have tracked the calls, apprehended the hardened elementary-school criminals  and confiscated the phone as evidence for possible legal action.  (By this time, in my mind’s eye, they’re tattooed 3rd graders, who skip vacation bible school,  and their mother dips snuff and wrings the necks of her own chickens) – we discover:

The police report states they were using a mobile phone that had not been activated.

The mother has also commented on the story and claims authorities told her she could be facing one year in jail.

Wait? What?  You can dial 911 from an unactivated phone?  Is this something I knew?  Holy crap.  My children have a collection of cast-off cell phones with the batteries are fully charged in order to access the games and calendar function.  I’ve no clue to whom they’re talking  or what they’re dialing…  I assumed it was an imaginary Hannah Montana or Tony Hawk.  But it’s entirely possible….

I started getting nervous.   My air of superiority soured.  One year? In jail?   Hell, they didn’t even break a record.

I guess this means I should confiscate the phones…. or I could sit the children down and have a discussion with them.  Something like:

“You know those old cell phones you play with?”
“Yeah.”
“From now on, you can only play with them in the neighbor’s yard.  If, at any time, you hear someone on the other end of the line, you are to hang up  and leave the phone on his porch.”

After repeated attempts to contact Rogersville city officials with the intention of asking when they might find time,  amongst all of their tax raisin’ and salary negotiatin’ duties,  to officially opt out of Tennessee’s new park carry law,  I received no reply.   Or I missed the reply.

Then, Pop forwarded me this NRA alert.

URGENT: Rogersville Tennessee is Attempting to Opt-Out of
New Park Carry Law!

Several Tennessee counties and municipalities have started the process to opt-out of the new park carry law before its effective date (Tuesday, September 1).  The City of Rogersville is considering opting out of the new law and will formally consider a proposal to do so soon.

On Tuesday, July 14 at 7:00 p.m., the Rogersville City Council will consider a park carry opt-out resolution.  This resolution, if passed, would prohibit law-abiding permit holders from carrying a firearm for self-defense in local parks within city limits.  This meeting is open to the public, so we encourage you to attend in support of our Second Amendment rights.  All those who wish to speak in front of the Council, may do so at the beginning of the meeting.  Please get there early.  The Rogersville City Council will discuss the proposal, and may follow-up with a motion to opt out of your right to carry in Rogersville’s parks.  Click here to see a list of Rogersville parks.

The list will include the Rogersville City Park and the Swift Mini Park, which is basically a picnic spot w/ playground equipment where you can stand on one side and spit on the other.

Both are managed and maintained the by the Rogersville City Parks and Recreation Department.  The majority of programs offered by the park department  are youth-oriented.  These include rec.  sport  leagues, holiday activities for children and the city pool.  They also offer a stage area and other rental facilities, where Rook tournaments, pickin’ and grinnin’ events, birthday parties and family reunions are held.

There’s little or no danger of being attacked by bears or other wild critters in these spots – unless a circus wagon breaks down on the highway and the animals escape.   Otherwise, the only thing one might need to defend themselves against would an aggressive goose at the duck pond, vicious  Soccer Moms armed with Vera Bradley purses, the occasional hot-headed little league coach… or zombies.  (The City park is bordered by a cemetery.  In the event that a toxin or man-made infection is released on the city OR Alderwoman Ann Howe starts practicing Haitian voodoo, thereby reanimating the dead,  zombies might be a concern.)

Folks, I’m a gun owner.  Hell, I’m a gun lover.  I am also a strong defender of Second Amendment rights – yep, another one of those “pry it out of my cold, dead hands” types.  But before all else, I am a mother, a volunteer and an advocate for the children of this community.

While I’d like to believe that only the most responsible gun owners would be packing heat at the T-ball games – you know to pick off the zombies, I sincerely doubt it would happen this way.

My husband and I are very involved with the local AYSO region.  We have also participated or volunteered in most programs offered by the city.   Over the years, we’ve dealt with our share of negative sideline behaviors, angry spectators, verbal disputes that have escalated to shoving matches or fist fights, and the occasional group teen vandals.  We know firsthand that even the most responsible, level-headed person can become completely irrational if they feel their child has been attacked or treated unfairly by another adult.

I can also tell you that approaching these people to discuss a behavior they need to curtail, particularly when they’re already angry, is scary enough without adding firearms to the mix.

Therefore, I fully support the proposal to opt out.  I’d also remind Pop and his cronies that their grandchildren play baseball, softball,  soccer, tag and pin the tail on the donkey in that park.  So, for me, this isn’t a battle against the conservatives and the others or government versus the common man.

It’s about common sense, the safety and welfare of children and making sure that my ass doesn’t take a bullet when I have to calmly approach the Dad, who just threw his chair across the field and threated to assault the opposing coach, or the opposing coach,  who yelled back:  “Yeah, Bring It Fatass!”…  right before she flipped him the middle finger.

You know my life kinda resembles a bad Hee Haw skit.

If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.

Continue Reading »

Today is the deadline, set by the federal government, for the nation’s broadcasters to switch their TV signals from analog to digital.  Josh Smith (anchor of News Channel 11 Morning Edition and News Channel 11 at Noon) says:

It’s finally here – DTV switch day on News Channel 11 Connects. Be sure to watch at noon.  Haynes Lancaster, WJHL’s founding general manager, had just turned on our analog transmitter on 10/26/1953 when this photo was taken. Today, he’ll be in the studio to shut down analog and fire up the digital transmitter. Watch it happen live starting around 12:25pm. A bit of local TV history in the making. See you then.

According to the Federal Communications Commission there are still 2.2 million households which have made no preparations for the switch.  This means we can probably hit the local internet hang-outs at 12:30 to watch folks in our viewing area go bonkers because they’re missing the Young and the Restless.
(Tip:  Full episodes of most CBS shows can be viewed on the net – unless you have dial-up, in which case streaming video is impossible and you’d be better off acting out your own version of Survivor.)

overheard between two six-year old girls…

Ms. Diva: “Um, let’s paint a Father’s Day card…”
Miss O: “Father’s Day?  How about a Mother’s Day card.”
Ms. Diva: “Mother’s Day is over.”
Miss O:  “Father’s Day is a long time away.”
Ms. Diva: “Let’s paint a picture of Obama!”
Miss O: “Yeah, we love Obama!”
Ms. Diva: “It can’t be a bad picture of Obama like that picture of  him smoking a cigarette.”
Miss O: “Yeah.  I saw that.”
Ms. Diva: “I see it on the news when they’re talking about Obama.  It’s a bad picture.”
Miss O: “I saw this thing… and it said `Obama Is Wrong!’ I saw that.”
Ms. Diva: “I hate people who say things like that.”
Miss O: “My friend at school said – and this is not true – Obama takes newborns and kills them.  Like he throws them in the river or something. That’s not true. It’s not.  At all.”
Ms. Diva: “Crazy. People are crazy. Why do they talk about him like that?  You know, if the other guy had won, the one I don’t like…”
Miss O: “John McCain.  I don’t like him either.”
Ms. Diva: “Yeah.”
Miss O: “It’s like, Obama won, People, that’s no reason to start a riot.  Get over it already.”
Ms. Diva: “Yeah. If they don’t have something nice to say, they should just keep their faces shut.”
Miss O: “Yeah, because we like Obama.”
Ms. Diva: “I love him more probably.  I have posters and stuff.”
Miss O:   “Oh.  I. don’t. think. so.  Sistah.”
Ms. Diva: “I love him so much I’d marry him.  Mmm-hmm, I went there.”
Miss O:  (Giggles) Reeces pieces, 7-up, mess with me, I’ll mess you up… Hey, let’s ask your mom if we can paint the orange juice container!”

bama

Over the past few months, life has handed me several unexpected twists and turns and I’ve been busy navigating my reality.  (See. The truth about why blogging has been light is far less complex than those vodka-pickled theories of my friends.)

February and March were spent tending the extremely-ill Ms. Diva as she endured two surgeries, three chest drainage tubes, a GI tube, a few weeks of intravenous antibiotics, and enough Demerol and Morphine to make ten grown men slobber on themselves.

She was diagnosed with the flu on a Monday.   By the following Wednesday, she was admitted through the Holston Valley ER to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit  with strep pneumonia, empyema and a long list of other complications.  She was placed in isolation for nearly three weeks.

I haven’t arrived at a point where I can discuss my daughter’s near-death experience without feeling compelled to weep, testify (which would also require me to sing a bit of righteous black gospel music and trust me, we don’t wanna go there) or compose a sonnet containing words like hope, innocence, strength, blessings and miracles.  This would not only blow my reputation as a smartass – a month or so from now, I’d almost-certainly gaze back upon my brief stint as a soulful singing sonneteer and be mortified.

So, let’s skip to the conclusion:

Diva recovered and will be sharing her story on WJHL (Channel 11)  during the Children’s Miracle Network Telethon.  She’ll be on at 8pm tonight.   Now, cross your fingers the live portion  goes smoother than the pre-recorded interview during which she answered each question Phillip Murrell asked with the same three words: “Yeah, purty much.”

Avoiding Analysis

When you return to blogging after a long break,  it can be awkward.  You feel obligated to post something intelligent, enlightening,  or worth the wait….

umm yeah.  I got nothin’.

my mind is a blank.

er, well, not entirely.

There’s that mental picture of Toby Keith buck-nekked and Continue Reading »

Gibson Herrell So, what’s the difference between a journalist and a humor columnist? David Cate brings you Funnel cloud footage via his Flip. I can offer you a detailed description of my basement wall and my Flip is lost in the back of my soccer-mom SUV…. or at least I think that’s the last place I saw it.


My First Storm Chaser Video – Funnel Clouds over 1-81 – Kingsport Times-News Online

(Times-News Online says:  Powerful storms, funnel clouds threaten region – http://bit.ly/bbkjs) Continue Reading »

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